Bringing you beer review-ies (jim_brewie)

@jim_brewie

Native Texan talkin' crap about beer that I drank recently. Bar's set pretty low here. Just be happy there's a bar...somewhere.

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Her: Refreshing.
Me: The beer? Or the...view?
H: Yes.
M: Yeah...that's fair. 
H+M: [staring at Denali in the distance from the back porch for a good 7/10 minutes]
M: Shit. We're s'posed to be doing this beer review for @steliasbrewingco.
H: Right. Ummm...Banana, and just a hint of rye.
M: ...but what about the maize?
H: Yeah, it was a little corny.
M: [stares in Texan]
H: Woulda made more sense if you 'stared in Alaskan.'
Me: But I'm not a born Alask- AND STOP BREAKING THE DAMN 4TH WALL
Her: [laughs maniacally in self-aware sitcom character]
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 #denali #craftbrew #drinkcraft #alaskabeer #alaskacraftbeer #akbeer #akcraftbeer #drinklocalbeer #beertography #beernerd #craftbeergeek #drinkcraftnotcrap #craftbeernation #craftbeerculture #craftbeerenthusiast #instabeer #beersnob #wishyouwerebeer #stelias #steliasbrewing #farmersfriend #ryeale #farmhouseale #soldotna #soldotnaak #soldotnaalaska #talkeetna #talkeetnaak

Her: Refreshing. Me: The beer? Or the...view? H: Yes. M: Yeah...that's fair. H+M: [staring at Denali in the distance from the back porch for a good 7/10 minutes] M: Shit. We're s'posed to be doing this beer review for @steliasbrewingco. H: Right. Ummm...Banana, and just a hint of rye. M: ...but what about the maize? H: Yeah, it was a little corny. M: [stares in Texan] H: Woulda made more sense if you 'stared in Alaskan.' Me: But I'm not a born Alask- AND STOP BREAKING THE DAMN 4TH WALL Her: [laughs maniacally in self-aware sitcom character] . . #denali #craftbrew #drinkcraft #alaskabeer #AlaskaCraftBeer #AKBeer #akcraftbeer #drinklocalbeer #beertography #beernerd #craftbeergeek #drinkcraftnotcrap #craftbeernation #craftbeerculture #craftbeerenthusiast #instabeer #beersnob #wishyouwerebeer #stelias #steliasbrewing #farmersfriend #ryeale #farmhouseale #soldotna #SOLDOTNAAK #soldotnaalaska #Talkeetna #talkeetnaak

How much is lost to sight's periphery? What truths lay hidden behind an untimely blink? How much history forged by a fleeting glimpse? . When first our eyes met, his face betrayed neither arrogance, nor fear – it was a calm and stony as the statues lining the hallway that led to him. Great Dwarven warriors, all – some may have guarded the very door his shadow now filled. . In another time, we might have been allies. But my kith desperately needed what he was charged to protect. And so I approached, noting his curious lack of a weapon. His only adornments seemed to be the ceremonial bracers that reflected his post. This must be why the old man chose me to face him. As I looked over my shoulder at my compatriots – worthy warriors all, but cut from different cloth - I heard a voice say, calmly: . "Well, come then, if ye must." As if he too knew I had no other choice. . For a time, the advantage was mine. My ancestor's heritage granted me greater height and a foot's reach over his short, stout form. But as time wore on, more of the blows found his bracers than his body. Then time began to slow...and a sickening feeling began to well up in my chest. As my fist passed his face once more, I caught a brief glimpse of it, from the corner of my eye: . He smiled. . How long had that smirk been there? As the scales tipped, so came a wrenching hook to my side, the slice of an elbow to the shoulder, and then a rising fist, accompanied by darkne- Her: Whatcha doin'? Me: Huh? Oh. Just enjoying this Moment of Clarity. H: No, I mean the story. You're posting in the wron- M: Well yeah, I was kinda talking about both. This character had a bit of an epiphany, but then there's this awesome, marshmallowy stout from @treehousebrewco, that's punctuated by a little bit of oak char. H: Cool...cool cool cool...so then why are you putting all of your character backstory info into your- M: [clicks 'post'] Her: ...Instagram post. Me: OH SHI- . .

Me: Ahhh...Fair amount of nuttiness, and thankfully, the cherry's not too overbearing. Good balance. Her: oooOOOOoooo...pullin' out more of the big bottles. M: Yep. Decided to break out t@turningpointbeer's and @martinhousebrewing's "Welcome to the Main Stage collab for...Sunday...Funday? H: We're in our late 30s. We don't get to use those as an excuse anymore. M: But...then we'll never be able to play that song about day drinking ever again. . . H: Still, I don't get what this glass has to do with 'Cherry Pie' or strippers. Me: ...where do you think Master Roshi was going in such a hurry? Her: [stares for 7/10 seconds]...good point. . . #gotexan #craftbrew #drinkcraft #texasbeer #texascraftbeer #drinklocalbeer #dfwbeer #beernerd #craftbeergeek #drinkcraftnotcrap #craftbeernation #craftbeerenthusiast #beersnob #wishyouwerebeer #welcometothemainstage #sweetcherrypie #cherrypie #imperialstout #sipsynth #synthhop #masterroshi #turtlehermit #kidgoku #dragonballz #turningpointbeer #bedfordtx #martinhouse #martinhousebrewing #fortworthtx

Me: Wow. I suck at reading. Her: Fascinating. I have severe asthma. M: That's...cool. . . H: What? I thought we were sharing well-known and otherwise uninteresting facts about ourselves. M: …*stares at feet awkardly* H: Aw, cheer up lil' chippermunky. What did you read wrong? M: Totally thought that @turningpointbeer's American Horse Pirate collab with @brutalbeerworks was a stout, based on can color and the "blueberry donut" in the name. H: Uh huh. . . M: Well, look at the color of it. H: Oh. My. That is...red. M: Uh huh. Surprisingly tasty blueberry sour flavor. Sugary-doughy-goodness of the pastry cuts it just enough to make this an easy drinker. H: Awesome. Now that your drinking is easier, you can get back to practicing your reading. M: 😐. . . H: 😁. . . M: This...is part of the reason why I have trust issues. H: Awww come onnnnn M: *cries on the inside* Her: You're also crying on the outside. Me: STOP RUINING MY INNER MONOLOGUE . . #drinktexasbeer #craftbeer #drinklocal #texasbeer #texascraftbeer #dfwbeer #drinklocalbeer #beersofinstagram #beergeek #craftbeernerd #craftnotcrap #craftbeerlife #beerenthusiast #craftbeercommunity #craftbeersnob #instabrew #BlueberrySour #donutsour #americanhorsepirate #norwegianclass #thedrunkendolphin #binaryhops #binarysuns #binarysunset #turningpointbeer #bedford #bedfordtx

Me: Wow. That is a *lot* of ginger and lime. Just catching some of the earthy tea as the dominant flavors broke. Honestly, good balance, though. Her: [squinting inquisitively] Hm. M: Why...are you staring at the back of my head? H: Just checkin' to see if your top knot has grown in. M: Because...of the kombucha? From @localrootskombucha? It's literally the first one I've ever had. H: All the more reason to be alarmed. Aberrant behavior, 'n all. M: Also, it's a Cali Mule, so I'm not even sure how much Kombucha I can actually taste. What's with the mason jar? M: Kombucha-ers use them for brewing it up. Going for representational accuracy, I guess. H: [resumes squints, vigorously tousles hair] M: What're you-[ninja-hands] NO TOUCHY H: What did you expect? You said "Cali Mule" and expected me to somehow be *less suspicious*? C'mon, man. Might as well smoke some artisanal cheese next to a locally-sourced mushroom vendor at the farmer's market. Me: That...actually sounds quite pleasant. Her: Yeah, I didn't think that one through very well. Me: Welp, better luck next ti- Her: [pokes back of head again] Me: [evasive maneuvers] STAAAAAAHP . . #cabeer #calibeer #californiabeer #socalbeer #calikombucha #californiakombucha #craftbeer #drinklocal #drinklocalbeer #beersofinstagram #beergeek #craftbeernerd #craftnotcrap #craftbeerlife #beerenthusiast #craftbeercommunity #craftbeersnob #instabrew #localroots #localrootskombucha #calimule #hardkombucha #kombucha #mariobros #toad #toadsworth #masonjar #vistacalifornia

Her: You can do this. Me: Taz- H: Annnd off to a bad start. Less Looney Tunes, more Mesoamerican deity. M: Tez...cat...lip...Tezcatlipoca. H: See? They even put in some easy words you already knew. M: Yeah, that middle bit threw me for a sec. H: Wonderful. My work here is do- M: Buuuut in some interpretations, Tezcatlipoca was less deity, more concept. H: [loaded sigh]...and I'm guessing you're going to tell me alllll about it, in the context of this review. M: The dark color of this particular mead from @featheredserpentmeads calls to both interpretations, be it the god of shadows and duality, or the concept of the 'smoking mirror' itself, challenging us to confront the darker aspects of ourselves. H: [impatience intensifies] Great philosophy lesson. Please hurry and get to what it tastes like. I have a busy 8/10-hr day of loafing to get back to. M: The base cherry juice hits hard, but the blue/blackberry flavors do balance things out with the help of the Tahitian vanilla. H: ...and the related symbolism of the King Arthur glass? M: [confused] Hm? Oh, that. Mead is fancy. H: And that relates to Arthurian legend...how? M: It doesn't. But a stem on a glass makes it fancy. H: [eyeroll] A paragon of class, you are. Me: Paragons? Nah, more of a single-sentence guy, m'self. Her: You don't say. . . #meadmonday #gotexan #craftmead #drinkcraft #texasmead #texasbeer #texascraftbeer #houstonbeer #drinklocalbeer #beertography #beernerd #craftbeergeek #drinkcraftnotcrap #craftbeernation #craftbeerculture #craftbeerenthusiast #instabeer #beersnob #wishyouwerebeer #kingarthur #merlin #swordinthestone #glasstomouth #hicksopeners #featheredserpent #featheredserpentmeads #tezcatlipoca #houston #htx

Friend 1: Really nice of y'all to have us over. Friend 2: Yeah, it's great we get to do this again...finally. Her: With fireworks, too! Me: And True American! F1: You mean that corn lager from @turningpointbeer in the fridge? H: [sighs] No, he means that game from that show with the quirky girl. F2: Oh! The one that's like Candy Land, but with beer? Me: Well, it's..a loose, Candy Land-like structure. . . F1: Oh cool. The rules are already conveniently printed on the can. F2: So we're gonna play it, the- H: He already set up the living room for it. Spent like, 6/10 hours on it. F1: Oh. . . F2: ….my. He spent that long, just...throwing pillows on the ground? H: That, and the beers on the table- M: CASTLE. Her: ...Castle, yes. M: Now everybody, shotgun! F1: Well that...escalated quic- Me: 1-2-3-4-JFK! . . - TWO HOURS LATER - . . Her: [seconds from passing out] Truhh...'Mer...ken. . . [everyone else completely passed out amongst the wreckage] . . #drinktexasbeer #craftbeer #drinklocal #texasbeer #texascraftbeer #dfwbeer #dfwab #drinklocalbeer #beersofinstagram #beergeek #craftbeernerd #craftnotcrap #craftbeerlife #beerenthusiast #craftbeercommunity #craftbeersnob #instabrew #fruitpopglass #iamonceagainasking #berniemittens #berniesandersmittens #cornlager #trueamerican #1234jfkfdr #floorislava #newgirl #turningpointbeer #bedford #bedfordtx

Her: Didn't you just do one of those? Me: ...a beer review? It's kinda my thi- H: A barleywine, smartass. An English one, at that. And from the same brewer, no less. HAVE YOU NO SHAME?! M: Brewers. H: Oh, and now you have the nerve to change the subject to sports tea- M: Plural. As in this particular one was a collab between three: @falseidolbrewing, @vectorbrewing, and @903_brewers. Hence the name, 'The 3 Norns'. H: Oh. Well for all I care, they could've teamed up with 7/10 other brewers, I still don't see how it would be much different from the last barleywine you reviewed...[grumbling] last week. . . M: Well, truth be told, they *are* kinda similar. H: [cue over-the-top telenovela reaction] M: It's very similar to Train to Valhalla, with the same toffee/molasses/sorta-banana-y backbone, but with a little less clove, an maybe a little more hint of...raisins? Just as boozy, though. H: Pffft. Raisins. [looks off, wistfully] M: [squints in confusion] H: [finally makes eye contact] Oh, it's just a funny word to say. 'Raisins'. M: [confusion turns to dismissal] H: Makes a fella wonder where the term came from, 'raisins'. M: [quietly walks away, sipping beer while maintaining eye contact] Her: Or for that matter, 'craisins'. By that token, why wouldn't grapes be called 'graisins'? Seems sil- Me: [hides under nearest desk, quietly sipping beer] . . #gotexan #drinkcraft #texasbeer #texascraftbeer #drinklocalbeer #beertography #beernerd #craftbeergeek #drinkcraftnotcrap #craftbeernation #craftbeerenthusiast #instabeer #wishyouwerebeer #threenorns #notfragilelikeaflowerfragilelikeabomb #notfragilelikeaflower #fragilelikeabomb #rbg #notoriousrbg #ruthbaderginsburg #IDissent #womenbelonginallplaceswheredecisionsarebeingmade #barleywine #falseidolbrewing #watchforthewolf #wolfsighting #wolfpack #903brewers #vectorbrewing

Me: Strawberries can do especially weird things to beer. Wh- Her: ...said nobody ever, out loud. M: ...which is why I'm always curious about the results. Thi- H: Well, there's that whole bit about curiosity+cats that we don't need to get into. Which might be why they need 9 lives. . . M: ...so about this Funk 'n Sour Strawberry Lemonade from @wfbrewingco. The profile definitely leans towards the lem- H: Wait, they used the words 'funk' and ' sour' in the name? M: …lemoade, with the strawberry lending a sorta-sweet, but mostly earthy flavor. Sor- H: Sorta like eating strawberries that were 5/10 of a day short of being ripe! H: [sighs] Yes. That. A little unorthodox, and not really a big fan of funky beers, but this was one I didn't mi- H: Y'know, normal people typically avoid uncomfortable situations. You tend to relish them. M: [frustration intensifies] Well, how else does someone find s'posed to find new stuff they like, without a little risk of the unknown? H: . . . M: What, no other quips to interrupt me wi- Her: That's why you trick your friends into it first. Me: [quietly has aneurysm] . . #drinktexasbeer #craftbeer #drinklocal #texasbeer #texascraftbeer #ntxbeer #drinklocalbeer #beersofinstagram #beergeek #craftbeernerd #craftnotcrap #craftbeerlife #beerenthusiast #craftbeercommunity #craftbeersnob #instabrew #funkybeer #sourbeer #strawberrylemonade #battletoads #turbotunnel #theanswer #beeristheanswer #wfbrewingco #wichitafallsbrewingco #wichitafalls #wichitafallstx #wichitafallstexas

Let's get something straight: I'm your basic white dude. Didn't have much growing up, but had supportive parents who sacrificed their time and money to get me an education that prepared me for a well-paying job. My only barrier to success would've been my own actions. . So you don't need me to lecture you about racial inequality. . But I can say this: I am proud to be part of a community that is trying very hard to root out inequality/injustice within its ranks, be it racial, gender-based, or otherwise. We don't always get things right, but movements like Black is Beautiful give me hope we're headed in the right direction. . Wouldn't be a beer blog without some pint-pontification, though. Let's try to rope this in without getting too ham-fisted: . Been a little over a year since @weatheredsoulsbrewing kicked things off with their recipe-share, and it's resulted in some amazing brews. In this release, salted caramel guest stars with a cast of milk and dark chocolate, as well as espresso beans. What you get is a choco-coffee bomb, with a distictive buttery-smoky finish like nothing I've had previous, or likely ever again. . In that time, we've also seen some much-needed accountability levied against shady brewery/bar management. Progress is sometimes tough to see – not unlike the gold flecks that @ingeniousbeer added to their BiB version. They're subtle, but you can appreciate their brilliance if you look hard enough. So celebrate these little victories, in hopes they light the path towards justice and true coexistence. . (oh, and sorry about the shitty Galaxy 7 camera. Effect wasn't as nearly as Twilight-vampire-y as I'd hoped) . . #blackisbeautiful #juneteenth #gotexan #craftbrew #drinkcraft #texasbeer #texascraftbeer #drinklocalbeer #beertography #beernerd #craftbeergeek #drinkcraftnotcrap #craftbeernation #craftbeerculture #craftbeerenthusiast #instabeer #beersnob #wishyouwerebeer #17percentdrip #runthehop #rtj #runthejewels #weatheredsoulsbrewing #ingeniousbrewingco #ingeniousbeer #alesfortheopenminded #humble #humbletx

Her: That one's been in there awhile. Me: Yeah...for whatever reason, I see 'barleywine' and I automatically think, hey, I'mma let that sit for a few months. H: But you're only supposed to do that with barrel-aged thingies. M: Not...[pitch up] exclusively? H: So is can-aging a thing, [pitch up] then? M: [pitch up] Sorta? H: Which is...different from [pitch up] fermenting? M: I-*coughs* okay, we're about 7/10 octaves above my *cough* normal range. Sorry, but I physically can't pitch my voice any higher. H: Again, I find your lack of commitment disturbing. M: Don't think you got that quote quite right, Darth. H: I always wondered...do Force Ghosts get to ride the Train to Valhlalla? Or are they forced to stick around and serve whatever jerk-wad Jedi that comes along? M: They might if this amazing-smelling booze-fest of banana and clove were served aboard. H: Maybe...don't lead with that when you go to next Star Trek convention. M: . . . H: . . . M: You did that on purpose. Her: *waves hand* This is not the punch line you were looking for. Me: Hang on...feel like we got distracted here. Weren't we s'posed to be talking about Vik- . . #drinktexasbeer #craftbeer #drinklocal #texasbeer #texascraftbeer #drinklocalbeer #beersofinstagram #beergeek #craftbeernerd #craftnotcrap #beerenthusiast #craftbeercommunity #craftbeersnob #instabrew #madtownbeerglass #heman #sorceress #teela #battlecat #mastersoftheuniverse #traintovalhalla #barleywine #falseidolbrewing #watchforthewolf #wolfsighting #wolfpack #nrh #northrichlandhills #northrichlandhillstx

Her: Please tell me you didn't build this shelf into our dumbbell stand just for use as a beer display. Me: . . . H: [rolls eyes] Seriously?! M: Well...I didn't *not* intend to use it for that. H: Oh, for f- M: But that wasn't the primary goal [directs attention to mound of stuff] H: Hm. Stuff was on the floor, prior. M: Yes. It was. H: Seemed fine there, for the past 7/10 months. M: [closes eyes, deep breath] Woosaaaahhhhh. . . H: Aww, is this conversation not goin' the way you thought? M: Exactly how I thought it would turn out, actually. Kinda like with this Glacial Frost entry in @turningpointbeer's Quencher series. H: Ugh, they're still doing the Gatorade rip-offs? M: And doing them well. Maybe just a lil' more tart than its sports drink ancestor, otherwise dead-on flavorwise. H: That's not a word. M: Apwhuh? H: Flavorwise. It needs a hyphen. M: Okay, pretend there's a hyphen, then. H: ...but you didn't use a hyphen. M: How would you know? We're talking. H: [visible confusion] M: Oh no. Is this one of those times where you look off snarkily in a weird direction...as if to share some inside joke with another person? Her: Um...noooo? [winks through 4th wall] Me: LIAR . . #gotexan #craftbrew #drinkcraft #texasbeer #dfwbeer #texascraftbeer #drinklocalbeer #beertography #beernerd #craftbeergeek #drinkcraftnotcrap #craftbeernation #craftbeerculture #craftbeerenthusiast #instabeer #beersnob #wishyouwerebeer #glacierfreeze #quencher #sportsbeer #gatoradebeer #theanswer #beeristheanswer #streetfighter #blanka #sourbeer #turningpointbeer #bedford #bedfordtx

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